Thursday, January 10, 2013

To Write

I’m still working on my list of goals for the year. I don’t think I want to start over with my list from last year, although I do think there will be some recurring themes. I’m not coming up with a certain number, and I’m giving myself some time to really think about what those goals will be. If it takes me until mid-February to nail them down, I’m okay with that. I want to make them very intentional. I do have the list started, though.
I’m going to be very honest, here. Insecurity is a very big struggle for me. I constantly feel like I’m not good enough. I think I’m not good at anything, or for anything. I struggle with it at home too, but not nearly as much. I find myself wondering, in the back of my head, if my husband thinks I’m stupid. The truth is, though, that thought in itself is stupid. That man is my strongest supporter, and my greatest encourager. I have no reason and no right ever to doubt his view of me. In fact, if I could see myself more like he does, I’d be much better off. In general, though, it’s a very big problem for me. Answering the question “what are you good at?” is a very big chore for me, because my first reaction is to say “nothing.” That’s not fair, though, and it isn’t true. God made me, and He made me just like He needed me to be. Absolutely, I’m weak on my own, and I need Him. And, that’s the way it’s supposed to be, so that He can be glorified and I can’t take all the credit. That doesn’t mean I’m worthless, though. And, it doesn’t mean He didn’t give every single one of us strengths and talents.
A week or so ago, my husband and I randomly started playing Truth or Dare. Don’t ask me why. That game went way differently than it ever did on the high school band bus, let me tell you. With dares like, “I dare you to take me out for Asian the next time we go out,” it quickly turned to simply Truth. So, in the midst of all that, or maybe inspired by that, I asked him what he thought to be my greatest talent. His answer was writing. That answer keeps coming to mind as I think of my goals for the next year. So, the first thing I’m putting on my list is to write more.

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