Monday, August 2, 2010

If I Have to Jump, Then I'll Jump...

There is a time, when you have to be a grown up and resign yourself to do what you don’t want to do. I don’t like those times. I imagine no one does.

There is a time when you have to compromise. You give up part of what you want to gain another part. It’s a learned art, but productive.

There is a time when you step up to the edge of the road, and see nothing before you but a deep canyon with no way across. And, you have to jump off, with no parachute, and trust God that instead of plunging to the hard, dusty ground, you’ll somehow soar. It’s the hardest to do, but sometimes turns out more rewarding than any other option.

This is the crossroads at which my husband and I have found ourselves:

Do I continue to work full-time at a job I hate, leave my baby with someone else and bring home no money after paying for insurance and childcare? I have only 8 more weeks and still have not toured any daycares or gotten on any waiting lists, because I really don’t want this option. I’ve been praying against it from the beginning. I told myself I was praying God’s will and trusting in his provision. Maybe I was. And, maybe I was being stubborn.

Do I find a way to work part-time, still make no money, have to get an individual insurance plan which is often more expensive and not as good, but at least spend part of the week at home?

Or, do I jump out in faith, even though there is no guarantee Dean’s job can support us, and quit altogether?

We’ve been struggling for some time with this decision. We kept hoping and praying that Dean’s job would pick up enough that we could afford for me to quit. It has picked up, or it looks that way, but there is absolutely no guarantee of anything. Then, on Friday, we happened to have our radios tuned to the same station at the same time. The Christian station was having a pledge drive, and encouraging people to exercise their faith. This was the first time for each of us to come up with the idea: maybe we just need to jump, even though we can’t see what’s in front of us, and trust God to provide.

I’ve made leaps of faith before, but never of this magnitude. Please pray that we will be sensitive to God’s direction, and obedient to His will.

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