Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Sometimes Dreams Do Collide

I had big dreams once.  I guess we all do.  My idea of what I wanted to be when I grew up changed a little over time, but mostly it stayed the same.  When I was three, I wanted to be a paramedic.  This was largely connected to the fact that my favorite TV show, aside from Smurfs, was Emergency.  In first grade, I said I wanted to be a Truck Driver, probably because that’s what my big brother wanted to be when he grew up.  Mostly throughout childhood, I wanted to sing country music, or just sing really.  If we’re being completely honest, that idea has always remained in the back of my mind.  When I graduated high school, I was going to be a surgeon or a pediatrician, and live in Montana on a horse ranch.  After a couple of semesters of college, I realized that dream didn’t sound nearly as appealing.  I was fascinated with medicine, but hated chemistry, and Montana was, well IS, much too cold for my taste.  My college career from that point on was one of uncertainty.  I just really didn’t know what I wanted to do.  In all that time, one thing never crossed my mind: Stay-at-home Mom.  I wanted to get married, and I didn’t rule out the possibility of kids, but that’s as far as it went.  I thought women who wanted to stay home had no ambition.  Over the last few years, God has changed my heart and my view on this.  At this point, I still have some dreams for my future, but I know they need to be molded some more.   My dream for this moment in time is to stay at home with my precious daughter.  I realize now how important that is.  Last week, after 11 weeks at home, I went back to work.  I’m only working on a part-time basis.  It’s all I had the heart for, and I couldn’t, nor did I want to afford daycare.  I felt in my heart of hearts, that God did not give me a child for someone else to raise.  He entrusted her to me.  So, until I can afford to stay home with her all the time, I am working three days a week.  My mother is driving down each week to stay with Dinah while I work, and going home again on weekends.
And, I still have big dreams. 

What are yours?

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